So the time has come... a few thoughts and ironies regarding my leaving

I have 4 days left. I have been avoiding counting, but I can no longer ignore that my days are numbered here.

So my dreams have been telling recently and have reflected my state of transition:

1. I dreamt I was in the mountains of CO and it was raining and hailing. My comment in the dream: "I wanted cooler temperatures, but not this cold!"

2. In another dream I was having a conversation in English, and other people were talking really fast. My comment (again within the dream): "You´re talking too fast. I can´t understand you. Slow down." Again, it was in English.

3. One night before going to bed I was reflecting on that I am not just going back to the US, but will be starting a whole new experience. My time in Colorado is only a visit, because I will be going to Ohio, to Bowling Green, a place I don´t know at all. (I have never been to to Bowling Green, the university or the town, and have only driven through Ohio one or two times). So that being said, I have quite a new experience ahead of me. However, instead of dreaming about my adventures here in Mexico or the upcoming one in Ohio, I dreamt of another, different adventure: I and several unknown companions were on a outer space mission.

As my dreams indicate, my brain is in transition, doing much reflection, and I have mixed feelings about leaving and going. (A completely normal, and healthy, part of the living abroad experience I think).

I realize that many desires and anticipations have flip sides that I may not like, or are perhaps contradictory with other desires. For example, climate: I am excited to leave Sonora´s 110-120 dry heat, but I will be exchanging it for midwest humidity and cold. (And as indicated in the dream, I will be spending a week in the mountains where the temperatures will be like Novermber here, and I might just be cold, instead of cool.) Another example, I am excited to be able to be surrounded in English to have understand and be understood 100% , but I am equally sad that my immersion experience a nd all it´s opprortunities will be finished.

Finally, I indeed have had an "other world" experience this year, but sometimes I also feel like I have "another world" experience awaiting me this coming year, both in being in a new place, but also because I have a new perspective of which to view it through. }

One final thought, ironic: After being here for 11 months, Montezuma´s revenge finally took it´s worst blow and I have been sick, in bed or on the couch, the past 2 1/2 days. Alas...and I thought I was less of a foreigner now. At least I have energy and a desire to try and eat today.




PS My plans before school resumes at BGSU: a week in Rocky Mountain with my parents, a week in Denver seeing friends and getting stuff ready to move, a week in Iowa seeing my brother and sister in law and the DeBruin family of 3 :), move out to Ohio, find a place to live, and finish my papers.

I will still be adding a few posts here this summer as the reflections and wrap ups continue.

Farewell fiesta pics!

Top left: Mexican Literature class
Top right: Friends from Mex. Lit class: Pedro, Marta, María Elena, and Ruby
Bottom left: party yumminess!
Bottom right: Writing composition workshop (maybe 2/3rds of the students are pictures)

June 15, 2008

Past two weekes update:

1. Still feel good about my living situation. I have loved the last two weeks living alone. However, as of today I have one (maybe two) roommates; a professor and her daughter, although I don´t know if her daughter is coming or not. I have met the professor, but very briefly, so I haven´t really gotten a chance to know her yet. She will be here the rest of the time I will be. I have been a little anxious about this change, but I knew it was a possibility when I decided to live here and was willing to take that "risk". As school is out, it might be nice to have a little company. Either way, it is for only for three weeks.

2. Farewells continue. Classes are finished, and most are also done with exams. I threw two official goodbye parties (celebrated with cake) with the two classes with whom I have been both semesters. I also said goodbye, earlier than expected, to my friend Alberto who is off to France for the summer. Needless to say, the these farewells have made me sad and melancoly. However, I am grateful for having gotten to know them: they have helped make this year a great experience and some of my best memories are with them. (It´s a good thing there are still friends here who I haven´t had to say goodbye to yet.)

3. Social time: Carne asada with Carmen this weekend, farewell for Alberto, lunch with Carlos (Veronique´s boyfriend), salsa/excercie classes, lunch with the family at the old house, running into classmates at school, etc. (I haven´t had a lack for those of you that worry about me!)

4. Reflections: saying goodbye, end of semester, almost the end of my year here have made me very reflective. Much of this year has been so different than I expected; with many parts more wonderful than I antipated, and other personal things more painful and difficult than I thought. I have so many feelings that surface: readiness to go back to the US (to understand everything again, to be finished with my papers for BGSU); nostalgia and grief that comes with saying goodbyes and approaching the end; disappointment and suprise at the goals, hopes, expectations that haven´t been fulfilled like I had wanted them to be; realization about the changes that I will have upon returning to the US and the areas that wouldn´t get any easier (starting over again in a new place), desires to take advantage of the time I do have left with the people I know. Again, many many reflections. Shocker I know!

5. BGSU papers...still working on them. Slower than I´d like or should. (One reason to appreciate having classes done and some goodbyes made already).

6. Three weeks left. (10 1/2 month completed). Very strange to think that will no longer be my home.

7. Still cooking yumminess! Still insanely hot!

A Week of Farewells (2nd semester)

This week is Goodbyes Part 2. (More parts later….I am afraid the farewell process will not be short.)

In part, because it’s the 23^rd on Friday, which was the original day for the final day of classes before we had the strike. As a result, many of the other exchange students are leaving because their pre-existing summer plans don’t allow them stay to the end of the semester, which is now June 20.

Tomorrow, Thursday, my “Advanced Spanish for Foreigners” class is a having farewell party. The two I will remember from that class are Brian (US) and Hirochi (Japan), for all the times we laughed together in class; I enjoyed getting to know both of them.

On Friday, there is a carne asada for Veronique, who leaves next Wednesday. She will be the most hard to say goodbye to of all the people I have met this year; her friendship has been a tremendous blessing to me and in many ways she has helped keep me

(semi)-sane.

The timing of the other goodbye this week is more unexpected. The family with whom I have been living. I am moving out on Saturday. As you very well know, this semester I have been super stressed. I have not been able to do a good job of managing that stress and living with a family. In the last month, there have also been many incidents in which they have failed in their part of the housing arrangement. Both they and I have responsibility in the breaking of this arrangement, and therefore also our relationship.

I have been in contact with the Exchange Program throughout this process. They have graciously offered that I can stay in a house that is currently empty, similar to my situation at the beginning of the school year. (I have the most amazing Exchange Program ever!) My decision to move out was 1) that despite their efforts and despite appearances that all is well, there are still things going on that can resurface at any time, 2) That despite my efforts, my ongoing irritability and frustration in response to these incidents is not going to improve by sheer will power, and as a result it will continue to be a tense environment for me.

The decision has been very painful and difficult. I have doubts about my view of the situation. I worry about what impact I am leaving behind; especially in the groups I represent, i.e. an American, a Christian, etc. However, I also think and hope that my decision to move out will mean one less stress, and will prove to the better decision.

In regards to the relationship, I also hope, as a trusted family member told me, that I (and they) might even find a little grace.

PS
I wrote this last Wednesday before telling them. I have indeed received grace. Upon telling them of my decision, the "kids" (ages 16-21) responded very kindly, saying that I should come and visit. Luz Belia choose to not respond right away (which I said she didn´t have to), but the the next day she said the I could come and eat with them anytime (she sells food midday so I would pay of the food I´d consume) and that the doors are alway open and I am welcome anytime. I truly feel that there is there is hope for reconciliation and that my moving out will hopefully prove to help restore our relationship to something closer to what it was before instead of the tension and stress of the last month.

I am now in my new house as of Saturday, which I will have all to my self for most of the time. It belongs to the university, and although it is not the same house I lived in last August, it is a similar situation in that the Exchange program is allowing me to stay there.

Update on life here, aka End of the Fall Semester and Goodbyes

1) Post-last weekend: Buying a plane ticket to go home was a good choice and effective solution to my depressed state last weekend. Not only did it mean that I was back to my cheerful positive self, it also meant that that it was easier saying goodbye to some relationships from Intercambio knowing I wouldn’t be alone over the holidays.

2) This week and end of the semester:
This week I officially finished my semester and with better-than-hoped-for results. Those results included excellent grades and a tranquil and non-stressful finish to academic work. However, I still went to school almost every day. One reason is that I have 10 papers to do for Bowling Green next semester in addition to classes: (A reminder that I really am a grad student). Therefore I tried to determine which classes would best correspond to these classes by talking with various professors. I also attempted to start reading for one of the essays. However all that I accomplished was running into Intercambio friends and hanging out with them instead of studying. It was nice to spend some one on one time with several of them before they left.

3) Goodbyes
This weekend was all fiesta y goodbyes for my friends from the Intercambio Exchange program that are only here for a semester. The people I will miss most is my old housemate Andrés; my traveling companions-social group Allan, Javier, and Zulma; and my classmate and very temporary Spain housemate Maria.

Andrés, from Puebla, was my first peer in Hermosillo and was one of the threesome. The threesome included he, myself, and Veronique, because we lived together in the Pitic house and got to know Hermosillo together. Throughout the semester, the three of us routinely got together for lunch despite developing different friend groups. He is someone who is playful and joyful child at heart, a fellow Christian, and a loyal intentional friend.

Andres, Vero y yo (Vero is staying full year)

Allan, Javier, and Zulma were part of the faithful five that went to EVERY exchange group activity that Alberto planned (Alberto and I being the other two of the five). From the Hermosillo trolley bus tour, to Kino, to the Ecological Center, to the baseball game, to the Rio Sonora salty trip, we have had many laughs together and many more memories. I will miss having a group where I feel comfortable and developing friendship of our individual relationships.

(Side story to accompany pictures: During our Rio Sonora trip, we were talking about hand gestures and the differences that occur in various countries and cultures. One of the examples that came up was how to count to four. In France, you start with the thumb as number one, thumb and index as two, and continue adding fingers for the following numbers. So four is made with all fingers up except for the pinky. We had many laughs as I cannot make a four like that. The resulting pictures are of the creative fours the rest of them made.)

Javier, with his double jointed pinky

Zulma imitading Javier

Allan, uhh...are you sure that´s a four?

Alberto (not leaving), successfully demonstrating 4

I return to the primary account of this post and saying goodbye to my favorite Intercambio friends.

The Spanish Maria (with her challenging Cadiz Spain accent) was also one of my housemates in Pitic, although very temporarily. She and I also shared a class together. In some ways we are very alike: she has a million friends and acquaintances on campus, especially in the Lit and Linguistics school. In other ways she is the opposite than me: she is not a perfectionist and knows how to skip, slack and still do decent in her school work. Despite our differences and even though we would only hang out at school, I knew I would always consider her a friend when she listened and encouraged me when I broke down one day at the beginning of the semester. I will miss her smiling face and carefree accepting attitude.

Maria and I

4) Looking forward:
Not that life here is a perfect picture, or even those relationships listed above. They are not the people I am have been the most vulnerable with. However, they are some of the people that I got a chance to go beyond the immediate surface acquaintance stage. I don’t know how long these relationships will continue, but I am thankful for them. I still feel the same as last week (and months) that most relationships here are acquaintances. Most of the time that is ok. However, the good news is that I get to be with my family over Christmas (parents come tonight!), that I get to experience a Christmas in Mexico, that I have had a great 1st semester in all regards, and that I am very glad that I have many more months here to do what I came to do: improve my Spanish, know the people (deepen the relationships I do have and probably make many more acquaintances), and learn much more about Mexico.