Reverse reverse culture shock

I expected to have culture shock when my parents were here in Mexico as that was what happened when Karen visited in October. There were still various moments when differences surfaced, but I didn’t feel the unexpected shock that I did in October.

The same occurred with Iowa when I returned with my parents to see my brothers for New Years. I expected to feel very out of place and experience reverse culture shock, but I was surprised how easily I slipped back into the norms, rhythms, and routines of life there. Sure, I was more cognoscente and reflective than normal and there were actions and comments to prove it: 1) shouting “They’re so many blues eyes and blond here!” upon finally spotting my friends in the airport, 2) taking pictures of the snow and toy tractors, and 3) to seeing my family’s outings (taking a walk on the prairie or going to a presidential campaigning event) as culture events instead of mere activities. However, these were the exception. Iowa is, after all, a place I have gone to visit for the last ten years. In that sense, it was just another trip.

Returning to Mexico, however, surprised me. And so I have experienced reverse-reverse culture shock. I have been comfortable and happy here overall, so I didn’t expect to have difficulty returning, especially with plenty of work awaiting me to prevent myself from over thinking. However, I felt like a stranger. Is this really my home? Have I really lived here for 4 months? Is the relationship with the family here as good as it appeared when my parents were here? Do I even know people here and do they care if I am back? I know I should have a little trouble switching back to Spanish, but my Spanish is horrible! With the changes for the next semester, will it be like stating over and do I have the energy to going being brave and outgoing and hard core? Overall, I am a stranger here.

There are many reasons for my reverse reverse culture shock. The time that my parents were here was picture perfect, and although true in many regards, was not reflective of day to day reality. The feelings and struggles I had during my hard breakdown weekend still exist because the reasons have not changed: friends have left, school is not in session, there are many changes ahead for the next semester. Leaving my family is always hard because I treasure the time I do have with them. Finally, relationships are the hardest for me, not at the beginning, but going from the acquaintances to good solid friendships that have good depth, trust, and are worth keeping. Finally, my home culture is the US and not Mexico, and though I may fight against it at times, it still is what essentially defines me.

However, acknowledging the reverse reverse culture shock and validating the feelings that accompany it is half the battle. My Spanish is not back to par, but it’ll be back. Regarding people, I have a great family and a great base for developing a stronger relationship with them. I also have many friends and acquaintances here that are worth investing in. It helped tremendously when they were excited about making plans to hang out. Yes, I will still have reverse reverse culture shock and I have many changes and challenges ahead, but there are many many good things here. And knowing I am blessed is what will give me the strength and desire to continue to invest myself 110% in this adventure.

All I want for Christmas

The last two weeks were wonderful. On the 18^th, my parents arrived to Mexico and we spent a week here. Then on the 26^th we headed to Iowa, where I stayed until the 2^nd.

The time with my parents couldn’t have gone better. We got to do a little bit of everything. On Monday night they arrived, and got a very warm welcome from my host family. On Tuesday, we hung out in Hermosillo. In the morning, we went to school where they meet several of my professors, we went out for lunch with the Exchange Office staff, and then took my host family out for carne asada and Mariachi. Then on Wednesday, after a delicious breakfast served by Luz Belia, we set off to the tourist resort town of San Carlos, two hours away, for 4 ½ days of relaxation. We enjoyed examining rocks and shells on the beach, observing all types of birds(from oyster catchers to ospreys) as well as spotting a few fish, eating sea food, listening to the waves break upon the shore, delighting in hot showers, and good old relaxing whether reading or playing cards. Then, for Christmas Eve, we went up to the mountain pueblo of Baviacora, the hometown of my host family. My parents had to stay up until 3:30 a.m. where they were always at the mercy of and need of a translator (me!). We had a gift exchange, ate a meal at 12:00 midnight, and overall just chatted with the family.

The highlight for me, in addition to being with parents, was the interaction between my parents and host family. My parents were intentional about asking them questions and talking with them, despite not knowing Spanish. Luz Belia treated them royally with her amazing food and formal hospitality. The oldest son Christian, I found out, speaks English quite well (having self taught himself with only movies and music). Both he and my parents enjoyed talking with each other. Edgar and Flor, who know almost no English, were both very intentional about hanging out and just being present. Dad and Flor enjoyed giving each other a hard time with their dry sarcastic sense of humor. Mom taught Flor Sudoku. And I had the fun job of translating all these interactions. However, it I wasn’t around, they still attempted to communicate with each other, sometimes successfully. Overall, our interactions were full of love, welcome, hospitality, laughter, and joy. It was very beautiful and humbling experience, especially since their acceptance of each other was a reflection of their love for me.

Then I headed back with Mom and Dad to Iowa. I spent Friday seeing a few dear friends before my brothers arrived. Then Saturday through Monday I spent with my parents and two brothers and sister in laws. We did celebrate Christmas with them while I was there, but the real gift was just being with Jon, Toni, Steve, and Rachel. (The snow and cold were nice too!)

What more could I ask for!