Not a week to repeat...

Well, this was not a week I`d like to repeat anytime soon. There are many reasons. One of the them has to do with living at the house, but the the one I´m going to share about is that my laptop was stolen!

The good news is that 1) all of my school work was backed up and so I didn´t loose any of my papers, 2) that I had a password protecting my computer so the person who stole it can`t just access my computer nor the information on it, and 3) that the Director of the Exchange Program loaned me a laptop (although it doesn`t have wireless internet access, it is a computer that I can use whenever!).
The bad news is that it was a costly carelessness...Not only was it a lost laptop, but it was my brother`s.

So, how does one get a laptop stolen? No, I was not held up at gun point. That being said, I unfortunatley was a litle careless and a little too trusting. So not only am I mad about the computer, I am also mad at myself for allowing it to happen, especially since I am normally a pretty cautious prepared person when it comes to things like this. So back to the question... How did it happen?

Tuesday morning I went to my 8:00 class. I had debated about taking the laptop in the morning, but I had a class and a meeting with a professor that it would be helpful, so I decided to bring it. Upon arriving at class, I sat in my seat, organzied my things, and decided to drink my juice outside the room. I did notice that I left my backpack open and that one could see my laptop, and did consider closing it, but didn`t. In addition I left my purse in my backpack. My rationale for not closing my backpack and leaving it was: 6 of my classmates were in the classroom, I trusted them, the professor would come anytime, and I would be sitting on the bench in front of the door to the classroom.

Within less than five minutes, my laptop was gone (although I didn`t fully realize it until after class, in part because I had debated so much about bringing it in the morning that I thought maybe I had left it in the house).

Reconstructed, this is how I think it was stolen. I had noticed a man dressed in a bright red shirt and khakis look into the room and then later enter (at that time I was sitting outside). My classmates told me after the fact that they noticed him, but no one knew him, but thought he was either a guest listener or a friend of someone else in the class (overly trusting like me). He had followed a classmate into the room, sat down (near my seat). No one saw him take my laptop nor did I see him leave the room (I was not looking out onto the patio and not at the door). However, as my backpack was open and my laptop was easily accessible, I think he saw it, waited until no one was looking, took it, hid it under his shirt or in a newspaer, and left. Again, all within a time frame of less than 5 minutes.

Again, who would have thought? but that`s apparently when these things happen. I am reminded of my time with the Colorado Mountain Club; in the wilderness, utlimately you can depend on no one but yourself for your survival (having extra food, water, knowledge, map-compass, etc.). The same is true with my laptop; ultimately the security of my things is up to me (or at least the parts I can control). It is not my fault that someone stole it, but it probably wouldn`t have happened had I been a little more cautious. An unfortunate occurence indeed! Moral of the story: don`t let up your guard!

Again, a very costly carelessness. Between the laptop and other issues going on, it was not a productive or good week!

March 15, 2008 quickie

Hello all...
Sorry for the lack of updates. Unfortunatley, today's will be short as well. The reason being that I am off to a much needed vacation (my flight leaves at 4:30!). It's spring break here in Mexico for all universities and schools, plus many others as well. I am headed down south to check out Mexico City, Veracruz, and Xalapa with my college friend Carissa. With the three cities, it will be a little bit of a hi/bye, whirlwind tour of southern central/eastern Mexico. However, with time at the beach and in the mountains it should be relaxing as well. We are also going to meet up for a day with my friend Andres from last semester.

Life here:
-Still stressed about my papers...don't expect that to change, as I feel like I get more and more behind in regards to the time I will have left, and the time it takes for me to read, research, and write them.

-My computer keyboard has been impossible lately with the q interrupting every other letter, so that has meant more time at school, and more rigid planning of computer time. Thankfully, I got a new keyboard finally came in and so now I have a computer again!

-I didn't get as far as I hoped to on my Bowling Green papers before this vacation, in part due to being sick, in part due to it taking longer than I had hoped. However, no fears...I won't have a computer while traveling, so the work I will be limited to will be reading novels, and that's pretty enjoyable, plus I don't have too high of expectations of the amount I hope to get read.

-This week, we had a Literature/Linguistic Student Forum Conference, and I presented! thanks to the encouragement of my classmates. It went well. The good news was that because time is limited to 20 minutes, almost everyone reads their paper. Boring and harder to listen to in my opinion, but much easier for me to present in a clear understandable format!

Ok, that's it, until I get back. Thanks to all of you who regularly check the blogs and your faithful support and encouragement. I appreciate it a lot!

Ahorita

Update on lots of random:
1. It’s not as fun to write (or read for that matter) a blog when life is work, work, work, and stress, discouragement, struggle. I have had a couple better weeks, but this past week I cried four times. Enough said?

Unfortunately, my stressed and turtled-in self is negatively affecting my interactions with the family of the house; I (not them) need to do a better job of living in community.

2. I dropped a class this week. It was my sociology class about the border. A very interesting topic, but a not-so-great professor in my opinion. I switched to Spanish 5 (advanced Spanish for non-native speakers).

3. The weather’s getting warmer…. We’ve already had temps in the 90s, however today and yesterday it was a a delightful mid/upper 70s (I think). I know the weather has changed, not because of the reported temperatures that I almost never check, but because I a) am not sleeping with the heavy fleece blanket, b) have had my window open at night, c) have worn sandals three times, and d) the computer lab turned on the air. I am not looking forward to any month past March, knowing it’s only going to get hotter.

4. Fun/good things: Went to part of a baby shower, hung with Veronique and Carlos several times, one of which was to celebrate her birthday, had two shoulders to cry on this past week (thank you Vero and Carmen!), went for coffee with my friend Eugenia, finished taxes and financial aid last weekend!, rented a dvd, allowed myself more time for brief, random conversations with classmates, returned to my day of rest, aka no homework, today.

5. Anxiety: Two weeks until spring break. Instead of it being a date where I’ll finally get to relax (which I will), it’s a date that is coming too fast for the work I hope to get done by then.

6. Hopefully soon I’ll add some pictures. Well, soon being very relative, just like the word “ahorita” (technically translated “right now”, actual meaning being “after x, y, z happen, then ahorita,” or at least something like that. My friend Alberto said I should write a paper on the word. I’ll write it ahorita…hahahaaaa.

Update to "Who said this was going to be easy?"

Life still is challenging…

I worry about having regrets at the end of the semester with feeling like I missed out and didn't take advantage of being in Mexico. However, the fear of not leaving enough time for my papers for Bowling Green is a greater concern and therefore studying takes priority over everything else.

I have come to accept that I am a grad student and that is my life. That means I don’t have the time I want to spend with people, and therefore not necessarily the energy for random people, that lately I have said no to several invitations, that I won’t have very many people I keep in touch with when I leave, that I won’t develop any deep relationships this summer. Not ideal, sometimes very discouraging, but I am accepting it more and more. I am a grad student, who just happens to be living in Mexico.

In summary, I have turtled in, trying to protect myself, my needs, and my time first and foremost, in order to “survive,” to the exclusion of the outside world.

Usually…This past week included a little more people time: last weekend going to Kino (see previous post plus there are pictures!), going out for lunch with the family on Valentine’s Day, planning a trip over spring break with a dear college friend, having a healing reconciling conversation with a friend (thank you!), getting to hang out with Vero and Carlos today. All of which meant lots of studying on Friday and Saturday, and tomorrow it's time to get back to serious working.

Yes, there are moments of joy, happiness, and peace here…just often hidden, buried, or scattered. More importantly, despite all the challenges and loneliness, I still have no regrets about being in Mexico.

Super Bowl Sunday

I am watching the Super Bowl. It’s on one of the basics channels, and surprisingly no one is in the house so I don’t feel bad for hogging the tv. Some of you, I am sure, are groaning (for any number of reasons) the fact that even here in Mexico I am watching the Super Bowl and participating in and contributing to.... (you feel in the blank (s). Others of you probably think it’s great that I can watch the Super Bowl. I myself find it funny: first of all I don’t care a bit about the game or the teams, but it’s a little bit of “home” and yet it is definitely the Mexican version with the commentary all in Spanish and none of the famous/infamous commercials. Plus I’m watching it by myself. Are you finding this humorous yet? I hope so.

Ok, so to something a little more substantial. Regarding last week’s blog and my struggles of being here this 2^nd semester, it’s still the same. Good moments, down moments, but overall, it’s still hard and I haven’t been my normal happy self.

That being said, there wasn’t much new to say. So I translated the text I wrote for my writing class two weeks ago,” Lessons from the Baseball Field” (see next post). Furthermore, it holds application for me while I continue the process of learning here.

Baseball, huh? Hmm, I see a sports theme. Oh right, the Super Bowl…, maybe I should check what’s happening….Woo hooo! Touch down for the Giants! (Don’t be fooled, I still not really watching.)

PS Ok, just kidding again. How can I not pay attention to such an exciting finish! Sorry Patriots fans, quite a disappointing end to their amazing season. But, bravo Giants!

Who said this was going to be easy all year long?

Last semester, although it had its challenges, was honeymoonish overall and I was pretty easy going in regards to life here.

This semester it is a change in expectations. I want and think that relationships should be better/easier/deeper, but they aren’t. I think and expect that because I have grown a lot in Spanish and have been here a semester that means I should have less of a struggle with Spanish. Hah! I think that school work and balance will be easier. I think last semester was easier. I think that I have forgotten the hard parts of last semester. Last semester I didn’t have many expectations, this semester I do and don’t just accept things or write things off just because “I’m in Mexico!” I expected that once 2nd semester started, things would be back to normal.

This semester is different. My primary social group has left /changed. I have new classes, professor, and some new classmates. I have had four different housemate changes in the last two weeks with people either coming and/or going ( thankfully having a room to myself has not been compromised). This semester I have work for BGSU in preparation of my qualifying exam in August, in addition to University of Sonora homework.

This semester so far has been anything but honeymoon. There has been a lot of negativity, stress, hurt, loneliness. (My aunt said that negativity is a good clue of cultural/life change or adjustment.)

Not to say that there aren’t good things. However, I will save that for another entry. I often like to wrap up things in a positive light, sometimes to minimize the struggle. Today, I’d rather it be a little more raw.

So here are some final thoughts that express my conflicting desires and feelings, specifically on relationships and work. Here they are....

• I want deep friendships, but I don’t want to be vulnerable and share that I am lonely. I don’t want to be lonely, but I am tired of the energy it takes for relationships. Nor do I have the time for all these relationships that I already have or want to have, but I still need and want these relationships.
• I like and don’t like acquaintances relationships: Sometimes I sick of talking about the same introductory things (hey foreigner, where you from, what are you doing here, how are classes, what are you doing this weekend, blah, blah, blah), but some days I am grateful for those conversations and they are just what I need.
• My relationship with the family is deeper than others due to the mere fact that I live with them and so in some ways it is easier to be comfortable, to invest in them, etc. However, it also means having pet peeves, forgiving, giving, or being intentional, especially on the days I would rather not.
• I need to work, I need to relax, I need to play. I need to have balance, but I am a perfectionist.
• I am glad I am in Mexico and a grad student, but I am not sure how to do both.
• One moment or day, all is well: I am outgoing, I am having fun, I feel good about the work I am doing and accomplishing, I am ok with the decisions I have made. The next, I am discouraged, sad, insecure, and /or lonely.

Hard: 2nd round

So, there have been many more times than two that life here has been really hard, but it’s the second journal entry with this name.

Life has been really hard this weekend. On Thursday, I was on Cloud 9, since my work was primarily done and I was on the home stretch. On Friday, I was depressed. I went out in the afternoon and evening and had a good time, but at the end of the night I was still sad. Saturday was the same story. Today, Sunday, I was sad again.

What’s the deal? I should be happy now that I’m on vacation. However, vacation is exactly what’s to blame.

Triggers and Consequential Thoughts: No schedule. No more classes. Not getting the random social interactions at school with the thousands of acquaintances I have. It’s the Christmas season. Too much time to think and reflect. Not having got as much exercise lately. Not having gone to church recently and missing the renewal that brings. Not having a church I really like. Being tired after a semester of hard work. An “expectations communications cultural” conflict with the family the other weekend; (it was resolved and it’s ok, but it was still a no win situation and uncomfortable.) Being reminded that I am a foreigner first of all. Communicating and interacting in a language I still haven’t mastered and in which there are still many things I don’t understand or miss. Knowing I have essays to turn into Bowling Green in August. Wanting to work ahead, but relax, hang out with people, help out in the house, travel, watch lots of movies, and wanting to do nothing, and yet something. Having too much free time. Not having people to travel with. Not being with my brothers and sister in laws during the holidays. Debating again and again about if I made the right decision to stay, or if I should change the plan, and then what I’ll miss out on if I go home. Not having Christmas as I know it and all that entails. Being reminded that I have primarily lots of fun social acquaintances, but not many close friends. Knowing that my social group of Intercambio are leaving. (At least there will be a few who will still be here.) Feeling like I should be in a better spot than I am and shouldn’t feel this way, but knowing that this moment would come. Knowing that it’s part of the process of living abroad, but that it sucks none the less.

Result: I’ve been a wreck. Crying. Trying to remedy the situation and still being down and at the point of tears. Feeling sad, lonely, sad… lonely, lonely, lonely….sad.

Ways I’ve tried to remedy the situation: Exercising, going out with people, crying, calling home to the US, thinking of how to use my time before and after my parents are here (i.e. Read Harry Potter #7 and other books in English to take my brain off things when everyone else is with their family), be intentional about initiating hanging out with classmates that I’d like to get to know more, debating about flying home after my parents are here and the pros and cons of that, and in the end buying a plane ticket (and I'll still have a little over two weeks here in Hermosillo while not in classes).

The good news: Although I will continue to struggle on and off with not having close friends here, I feel much better knowing that I’ll be with my brothers and family over the holiday during the part of vacation which would have been the hardest (post family through New Year’s). Sunday evening and Monday have gone MUCH better!

Overdue post

It´s been two weeks since I entered a post, so here´s a very quick one. Sorry if it´s a little scatter brained.

Highlights:
1) Still love living with my family. They are amazing and it continues to be a great place for me.

2) Took a break and went to Mazatlan to see brother Jon and sister in law Toni. They were spending a week doing medical missions, and I got to hang out with them over the weekend. It was great to be with family and take a break. Furthermore, I got to play in the ocean!

My brother the doctor in action!

Jon, Antonia (his translator), and Toni

3) Mexican Independence Day, September 15: In Mazatlán, we went the the Grito, or the shout. Every Independence Day in every town, there is a shout at the end of the day in the plaza in front of the cathedral, when everyone shouts "Viva Mexico" or Long live Mexico. In Mazatlan, accompanying the shout, were fireworks, confetti, lots and lots of people, a program, etc. It was a really neat cultural experience and I´m really glad I got to experience it (plus with Jon and Toni!)

The Grito...See posting on October 7th

4) Went to Kino Saturday with some of the other exchange students. Bahía de Kino (Kino Bay) is the nearest beach to Hermosillo and I´m glad I got the opportunity to go.

Kino Bay Beach

Vero, my French friend, who speaks like a Mexican!

Hard parts:
I feel like I spend all my time studying. I have implemented various strategies and still I struggle. I am also hoping to drop a class if I get the ok. However, that won´t change the amount I study, but it will hopefully give me more time to dedicate to the classes I do have.
The hard part in this is that despite the amount I study there is no much I don´t achieve and I feel like I achieve a basic level of understanding and completion of the work. Furthermore, I also don´t feel like I have time to play, make friends, dive into the culture, relax and just chill, or even respond to people´s emails or write to friends. Taking a break and going to Mazatlan made me realize how much I needed a break, but it´s still hard to make it happen. I know that all this is part of the process, but I´m tired and sick (change of seasons and stress), and I´d like to feel a little more balanced.

Hard

I think the hard part has finally come. The first three weeks went fairly smoothly. Granted, I had my ups and downs. Overall, though, it went much better than expected and I felt pretty good about how the adjustment was going. However, the end of week #3 and definitely #4 (last week) were not so good. So, here are the hard parts of the last week and a half.
Friday the 24th, I came to a new realization about my frustration of my lack of comprehension. I realized that I work hard to understand 24/7. This not only includes school(listening to lectures, class discussions, homework texts), but also fun/down time (hanging out in groups of 3+ people and having conversations) or going to church). So, unless I am emailing or calling home and talking in English, I don´t get much of a break.
On Monday and Tuesday, I freaked out about housing. I thought that housing was taken care of, but an unexpected detail came up, and I ended up re-stressing, re-researching, and re-thinking my plan. At the end of it all, everything ended up working out and the bumps along the way helped direct me to a living situation about which I am really excited. (More details later about my famiy with whom I am living and their house.)
On Wednesday night, I got sick. I think it was something I ate as I ended up having diarrhea and vomiting. However, I think that my stress level and possibly the higher heat (low/ mid 40s) made me more susceptible or worsened the situation.
On Thursday, I ended up crying to a professor about my concerns with the homework (specifically about a homework assignment I had been stressing about the previous two days). He was very understanding and informed me that in reality I had much more time to complete the assignment, which made me feel less anxious.
However, I continue to be concerned about homework in general. I feel like I could spend all my extra time doing it, still not understand very well, and have limited time for friends and no time for exploring the city, state, and country.
Headaches have been too frequent. I think they are a culmination of stress, the heat (although during the day I don´t think it is affecting me), and all the change.
I realized how bad the week had been only when Veronique told me that she had been worried about me during the week.
So, that´s how life is going. I am trying to take one day at a time. (Yesterday I only cried once and it was in the morning, so the rest of the day actually went really well.) I am hoping that now that I have moved, I can get into a good schedule and get more accomplished during the day. I am considering rearranging a class to give me a larger studying block of time. I am more conscious about the amount of sleep I´m getting, and considering getting back into my regular exercise routine. However, everything comes with its advantage and disadvantage and so I´m weighing things out and a good balance is what I´m trying to find.
So, for now, it´s still hard. However, that´s part of the process.