Life still is challenging…
I worry about having regrets at the end of the semester with feeling like I missed out and didn't take advantage of being in Mexico. However, the fear of not leaving enough time for my papers for Bowling Green is a greater concern and therefore studying takes priority over everything else.
I have come to accept that I am a grad student and that is my life. That means I don’t have the time I want to spend with people, and therefore not necessarily the energy for random people, that lately I have said no to several invitations, that I won’t have very many people I keep in touch with when I leave, that I won’t develop any deep relationships this summer. Not ideal, sometimes very discouraging, but I am accepting it more and more. I am a grad student, who just happens to be living in Mexico.
In summary, I have turtled in, trying to protect myself, my needs, and my time first and foremost, in order to “survive,” to the exclusion of the outside world.
Usually…This past week included a little more people time: last weekend going to Kino (see previous post plus there are pictures!), going out for lunch with the family on Valentine’s Day, planning a trip over spring break with a dear college friend, having a healing reconciling conversation with a friend (thank you!), getting to hang out with Vero and Carlos today. All of which meant lots of studying on Friday and Saturday, and tomorrow it's time to get back to serious working.
Yes, there are moments of joy, happiness, and peace here…just often hidden, buried, or scattered. More importantly, despite all the challenges and loneliness, I still have no regrets about being in Mexico.
